Pork Cutlets and History Projects are Hell
by AlexSkye1898
Summary: Why does Yuri Plisetsky deserve this horrible, shitty treatment? Has he done something wrong in a past life that brought him this punishment? He has to deal with both Victor (annoying bastard) and Other Yuri (freaking pig) on a daily basis. Seriously, he must have committed some unspeakable crime to deal with this crap. This is the cursed life of his suffering, angst ridden hell.


**Pork Cutlets and History Projects are Hell**

 **Anime:** Yuri! On Ice

 **Warnings:** swearing mostly, my head canon that Yurio develops a crush on Yuri, they're all in the same age category in this I swear, high school drama, inappropriate language, mentions of Victuri, Yurio's insults are insane (sorry if they trigger you), Victor and Yurio are half-brothers (you're welcome), and Yurio is a horrible person. You HAVE been warned!

 **Disclaimer:** I do NOT own YoI or any it's characters, I do NOT make any profit from creating this fic.

 **Alex:** I keep stalling on my "Flirtation" series, I need to stop and write them already. Since I don't know how school systems work in Russia, I went with an American one, just roll with it. Anyways, enjoy this little funny one shot!

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 _Why?_

What has he done to deserve this shitty treatment? Anyone would do! Today was going pretty great for Yuri Plisetsky dammit! His grandpa was well enough to make him some breakfast and drive him to school today. He got to hang out with his best friend Otabek without being interrupted by a certain blond haired, red streaked freshmen that somewhat reminds him of an attention seeking dog. Victor, yes **THE** Victor Nikiforov (his good-for-nothing-yet-gorgeous half-brother and the hottest guy in school), did not whine to him about anything throughout the day. All in all, it was a really good Wednesday. Until the history class he shares with mentioned half-brother and his brand new fuck toy, Katsuki Yuri. First of all, it truly _pisses_ him off that he shares the same name as that pussy! Secondly, that crybaby is such a weakling that it disgusts him being in the same room as that guy. But, fuck his life sideways because he lives with Victor and his cranky ass old man of a father because his queen-of-resting-bitch-face mom wants to get shit done with her ballet studio after the inevitable divorce happening shortly after he turned seven. Truthfully, he doesn't really remember the story behind Victor's birth mom, but it changed the old man when she passed away a long time ago. Just because it was very sad, it didn't give that silver haired fuck the right to coddle him like a freaking child! He already gets that from his prima-ballerina-pirouette-into-your-face mother, thank you very much.

Anyways, back to the problem at hand. Normally, freshman and seniors don't interact, end of story. Unless you're Yuri Plisetsky, who's a goddamn genius that he can take US Government in his first year in high school like a boss. His teacher, who is a freaking emo guy (like who the hell wears blue eyeshadow all around their eyes?!), is secretly trying to troll him. His assistant isn't any better since that gross pervert cannot talk about the Cold War without jizzing (Yuri **knows** this is true because he accidentally saw a wet spot on his crotch once) his pants. So…Treaty of Versailles, blah blah blah…..Bill of Rights, yap yap yap yap yap…..some new law being passed, whatever…pair project, what the actual **fuck**? Green eyes were given the very sight of Victor's sparkling blue ones lovingly staring at his piggy boyfriend and vice versa, ugh...gross. Honestly, he doesn't find that fatty at all attractive. As much as it kills him to admit it, (he mentally reminds himself to dunk his head in bleach later) his half-brother is too damn attractive to be considered human. Yuri concluded that everyone who had a crush on the silver haired male has less than half a brain including his cow of a lover. What is it about that Japanese guy that makes him so fucking special? Back to the world ending chaos that makes him want to tear his hair out, the fucking pair project. If Otabek or that damn chicken nugget were in this class, he would be fine. But they're not, so he'll have to settle. Of all people that dark lord teacher stuck him with, it **HAD** to be Fatso! He would do _anything_ to switch partners! He'd work with that music loving man-bun or that feminine Chinese kid that transferred over about a month ago. Yuri would work with that asshole JJ if he has to! Wait….scratch that, he would rather die than do a project with that guy. Hell, he'll let bygones be bygones and do the damn thing with Victor. Too bad he's stuck with some Thai dude who seems to be involved with his cellphone. Yuri groans in pure anger and mild defeat at the shitty realization that makes him _wish_ he could forget.

Fatso looks at him with those damn brown, cow-like eyes and nervously smiles at him. He knows he intimidates his senior which is pathetic for someone older than him. Yuri half listens to other one because he can rebel as long as he wants to while adamantly refusing to accept his situation. He thinks about other stuff….his mom still strictly trying to create the perfect masterpiece out of some poor ballerina, his ailing grandfather still being stubborn on not leaving the family home to move in with him, that not-good-for-your-health father yelling at him, Victor being a conniving pain in his ass, piroshki….and damn, he's hungry. Cue the embarrassing growl coming from his stomach that he _prays_ that no one heard. Apparently, Victor's boyfriend did and seeming to nod in understanding. Why is this fatty so goddamn nice to him?! Maybe because he's related to the cow's lover? Nah….the thought of meek little Katsuki Yuri being a cunning, manipulative shit makes him want to laugh loudly at the hilarious image. Trying to find something to distract himself from the present matter, he started randomly doodling kitties and tigers just for the hell of it. It's no secret in their family that he **_adores_** felines like nobody's business, they even teased him by saying he's like a cat sometimes. Shut up. So, Pig Bastard saw the drawings while commenting that they should get started on agreeing on the topic they need to pick for the project. Clicking his tongue, Yuri replied that he doesn't care and proceeds to draw a tiger that has Otabek's blank stare playing with a kitty that strangely resembles the humanoid chicken nugget. For once, the piggy actually read the atmosphere that he wants to be left the hell alone and didn't bother him for the rest of class. Angrily stuffing his journal into his bag, he huffs then exists the room while ignoring his damn half-brother and the boy toy as well.

Thinking back on that whole disgusting love-sick relationship, when did they start fucking again? Oh, right. It all began when he started his freshman year back in August and his half-brother was being annoying as fuck as usual. The blue eyed male is a four year member/star of the Drama Club (because Victor is an attention whore) and lost his inspiration to keep on doing his breathtaking roles. So, one day some random Japanese kid who had admired him for a very long ass time memorized Hamlet's soliloquy line for line _perfectly_ with the feelings that matched the scene (he saw the video that someone filmed when the pig wasn't looking and what he saw scared him at how amazing it was) accurately. That lead his asshole of a half-brother to hunt down the guy while spewing nonsense on being his scene partner for the rest of the **year**. They danced around their gross sexual tension for about a good ten decades until they realized they were made for each other and let's just say he doesn't want to have a repeat of walking into a supposedly empty classroom **ever** again. On a another note, there were certain body parts (ugh! The memory makes him shiver to this day) of both Victor and piggy (who the hell knew that the fatso was _extremely_ flexible?) that Yuri never thought he'd see in the light of well…late afternoon. Now they're the hottest couple on campus, the sight of those two tempts him into barfing for the next century or two. The rest of the day was boring as hell and he breathes a sigh of relief when he _finally_ comes home. Since his grandfather is not exactly in his prime anymore, he thought it was a great idea to stick Yuri with his cranky father and annoying half-brother since his mother is too busy whipping her new prima into shape back in Russia. His beautiful cat purrs as she climbs over his stomach while swishing her tail and his fingers comb through her gorgeous fur. It was so relaxing until that silver haired ass brings his boyfriend over then, he remembers the fucking project. Shit…. Mind as well get it over with so he can get rid of this thorn on his side and hopefully they'll appreciate his kindness whenever they fuck in Victor's room. **Don't** get him started on the late nights he gets when the pig stays over because he kept hearing suggestive noises and things he never could have _imagined_ the blue eyed male would say in bed. What has he done to deserve this? Why must he continue to suffer at the hands of those two damn morons?!

It's official, he still hates Katsuki Yuri. Throughout the whole sexual-tension-so-thick-you-can-cut-it-with-a-knife atmosphere in the beginning when Victor discovered the pig, Fatso basically implanted himself into Yuri's life and family. Hell, even his own cat loves that fatty because the black haired male gives her treats whenever he visits. Makkachin, Victor's fluffy poodle that jumps on _everyone_ , has ultimately decided he wants piggy to be his new owner much to the dismay of his current one. Fatso knows their family sob story and is in awe that his mom is one of the best prima ballerinas out there despite her retirement many years ago while his father is currently the best coach in the world for snot nosed brats that want to be figure skaters. Yuri can see the dusty clogs whirling in his head trying to figure out **who** he got his looks from and provided that he looks exactly like his grandfather when he was fifteen. Green eyes glare at muddy brown irises as his half-brother tries (keyword: _tries_ ) to convince him to work with Other Yuri just this once. It was mildly satisfying watching the silver haired asshole beg for his mercy along with listing the things he'll do if he does the damn thing with the pig. Getting his chores done _and_ his room being cleaned by the hopeless-at-everything-domestic half-brother would be blackmail he can surely use in the next two to three years. So, that's the story of how he ends up in the pig's family's hot spring resort. Victor needed to do his project with the Thai dude and it's better that they were in separate buildings because his half-brother is a fucking _leech_ when it comes to his partners. Relived to at least be away from a scolding wrinkled male and a drama queen, Yuri now realizes where he's at, dammit. When the Katsuki family found out he's related to the blue eyed bastard, they shoved a bowl of _something_ in his face over dinner while insisting to help himself as their guest. It was a weird meal…white rice, fried juicy pork, a raw egg slightly cooked on top, and random peas scattered about. Fatso said it's called a pork cutlet bowl and it happens to be his favorite meal, the family only serves it on special occasions. Apparently, the last time they ate it was when Victor and piggy got together as a couple. There's a promise of another pork cutlet night if the pig succeeds in the school's next play coming up soon. If memory serves him right, it was some big deal about a mafia boss and an ordinary citizen with a dark past falling in love despite their differences. One ridiculously dramatic tear jerker later, and the whole thing ends on a bittersweet note where the average lover dies in an unexpected gun fight while the mob boss begins to start cutting ties with the gangster life as a way to remember his partner. The best thing about the whole story is the fact that they are both male and have switched roles in the relationship, total equal share in power dynamics. It sounds difficult to portray something like that in front of an audience. Victor is going to star as the gangster boss (no surprise there) and the pig is going to be his soon-to-be-dead lover.

Ew, he can already see their sickeningly loving stare contests that they adore to have on occasion, he _doesn't_ want to witness that. When he washes up after eating, he heard some sort of dying pterodactyl noise and thought: why the fuck is he hearing such weird noises in the pig's room?! One particular thing that crossed his mind was to get the hell out before some creeper or serial killer comes to attack him. The other is that he can't just leave fatty in there with a weirdo, he can already  hear Victor's damn whining if something terrible were to happen to his precious boyfriend. He's not doing it because he _likes_ Pig Bastard or anything, okay?! Yuri may be an asshole, but even he has morales too! So, he opens the door slightly to check out the damage before doing anything too crazy and just sees fatty on the ground with a stack of papers in his clutched hand. Oh….he's practicing for that damn play, why the hell did he get so worked up about? Holy shit, the pig started shedding literal tears too….what the **_fuck_**?! A vague flashback enters his mind to when he would be forced to wait for his idiot half-sibling after Drama Club practice. He recognized Other Yuri from those times since the latter never noticed him on the sidelines. The Japanese male would be holding his scripts, slightly wrinkled and full of colorful sticky notes obviously from being studied over a million times. The blond sees him try out a lines at least in twenty different ways to see which one is better: in quality, diction, voicing, and mostly feeling. Despite a few stumbling moments, there was something about him that drew you into his performances as if he was the actual character themselves. When Victor forced himself in the pig's life, he got more confident and gained a better esteem for himself. He got better over time, everyone saw the slow change in his persona and they were in awe at the new Yuri Katsuki. To think, he was kind of the first one that noticed this guy and the last one to truly acknowledge him. That what Yuri did, watch from the background away from the crowd and anyone involved with his life.

He watched his father and mother constantly fight, especially regarding the man's previous wife. He sees the divorce papers being signed and filed away forever. Yuri views his half-brother becomes more distant and emotionally detached from the world. He can't turn away from the heartbreaking sight as his grandfather's health _eternally_ fade each time they visit him. The blond gazes at Otabek who grew into a reliable friend, a fellow comrade in arms through their years as best friends. He watches Pork Cutlet Bowl fucking _implant_ himself into their lives along with the brown eyed senior growing as an actor and learning to stop being so mentally anxious. He sees Victor start actually making friends, connections, opening up to others, and being taught how to emotionally grow as a person. His father becoming less angry and his grandpa growing just a little bit stronger by the day. Yuri gazes at his mother who is attempting (poorly) to less strict with him and be more loving. Lastly, he stares at Pork Cutlet Bowl's chocolate brown eyes as they look back dumbly at him when he realized that Yuri had been standing at the door like an idiot for the past goddamn ten minutes. Green eyes flicker away from the penetrating, soul stealing look that makes his legs feel like jelly and rapidly beating heart come up from his fucking throat. He curses for his pale features because he freaking **knows** he looks red as hell and the pig doesn't comment on it, instead he smiles like the damn nice guy that the black haired male is. Yuri grumbles as his cat climbs over the pig's lap then, purrs since she's a traitor. The blond semi gives up on trying to be stubborn and listens to Other Yuri's soft voice tell him about their project, fuck…he's in trouble. Oh well, they have about a good thirty minutes before his half-brother comes knocking and Pork Cutlet Bowl will fucking calm him down like _always_. Guess the inevitable will happen when they get (obviously) married in their near future. Yuri smiles a little despite himself from the thought.

 _Maybe, just maybe…_

 _Yuri Katsuki isn't so bad after all._

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 **The End**

 **Alex:** thank your reading, I hoped you enjoyed! Fluff up your feathers for more and bye bye!_


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